Where The Hell Have You Been, Flake?
Roll d100 or d100 per session missed
or d100 per in-game week or month missed, depending on what's
appropriate for your campaign. When the table calls for a "random NPC"
or "random aristocrat" you can use any random NPC table you like.
(Contents of this table adapted, quoted and largely bit from the work
of Stephen Abrams and Jon Everson with a little bit added and a lot
speedified by Zak Sabbath. If they or any relevant copyright holders have a
problem with that I'll take it down.)
1-7 You are offered a dangerous mission. Offered= number just rolled x200 gp
for it. Now choose whether to decline or accept the mission. If you
decline, that's it. If you accept, there is a 35% chance of death. Roll.
If you survived, you also gain 100 x D20 experience points.
8-12 You've been sick. Spend 20 minus your constitution score x 100 on
keeping yourself supplied and in comfort. If that's more than you've
got or you're a cheapskate subtract d4 from all physical stats for
today.
Results 13-23 in bold indicate you offended
someone, roll d6 to see who: 1- Random aristocrat 2-3 random NPC
commoner, 4-rumormonger who damages your local rep (-2 to local
charisma rolls), 5-someone who cursed you (roll a random curse), 6-an
entertainer who satirizes you (-2 to local charisma rolls)
13-Bumped into them on the street
15-Imagined slight
16-protocol error, bad manners, or lack of respect
17-interfered w/ plans
18-NPC jealous of PC's success
19-NPC doesn't like how PC looks
20-NPC was just in a bad mood
21-religious argument
22-NPC jealous of PC's spouse, family, lover , etc.
23-NPC misunderstands PC
24-29 Accused of crime, charisma roll to escape conviction. If
convicted, pay d8x100 gold to get out. If you don't have it or are a
cheapskate you are a fugitive from justice starting now.
30 You have been doing research. Make an intelligence roll. If
successful, you may ask the DM one question about any current mystery
in the campaign and s/he must give you at least a clue, if not the
answer.
31-35 Thieves. Lose d% of your cash.
36-38 A friend of yours (a random common NPC) offended someone. Roll d6
and consult the red text above to see who. If you don't help your
friend, there is an 85% chance to offend him, If you do help him, the
offended party is now offended by you as well.
39 A friend of yours (a random aristocrat) offended someone. Roll d6
and consult the red text above to see who. If you don't help your
friend, there is an 85% chance to offend him, If you do help him, the
offended party is now offended by you as well.
40 A family member of yours offended someone. Roll d6 and consult the
red text above to see who. If you don't help this family member, there
is an 85% chance to offend him/her, If you do help the offended party
is now offended by you as well.
41-48 You made a new friend. Roll a random common NPC contact.
49-50 Long lost family member shows up. Friendly. Roll a random occupation for him/her.
51 You made a new friend. Roll a random aristocrat contact.
52 Offer of marriage from (Roll random NPC) of lower social status.
Wedding, should you choose to accept it, is in d4 days. If you accept,
roll d100: less than 15 means a family member killed you in your sleep,
more than 75 means you receive that number x20 in dowry/gifts.
53 Offer of marriage from (Roll random NPC) of same status. Wedding,
should you choose to accept it, is in d4-1 weeks. If you accept, roll
d100: less than 15 means a family member killed you in your sleep, more
than 50 indicates you receive that number x100 in dowry/gifts.
54 Offer of marriage from (Roll random NPC) of higher status. Wedding,
should you choose to accept it, is in 2d10 weeks. If you accept, you
have offended two random aristocrats and receive d100 x 300 gp in
dowry/gifts.
55-57 Dude, someone just gave you d20x100 gp.
58 You are under surveillance by an assassin.
59 You are under surveillance by a spy of a foreign power.
60-61 You are surveillance by thieves casing your place to steal stuff.
62-65 You are under surveillance by the town watch
66 You aren't under surveillance but think you are.
67 You return to action with a mysterious glint in your eye. During
this session (and this session only) you may totally pull some crazy,
situation-specific bullshit out of your ass to save everyone in a
desperate situation ("oh, I have an extra crossbow right here...") but
only if you can entirely explain how you ended up with this
item/ability/characteristic, etc. in 15 seconds realtime or less. And
you can only use it once.
68-69 You got mugged (lose whatever you regularly carry) and tossed
into debtor's prison by cops who assumed you were a beggar. Gain a
criminal record and d12 x 10 lice.
70-72 You got mugged (lose whatever you regularly carry).
73 You witnessed a secret ceremony. DM figure this out or just roll one
of the local religions and assume their pissed at the PC for the
foreseeable.
74 You help out some fancy type. Receive a title (d4: 1-duke/duchess 2-Baron/baroness 3-Lord/Lady 4-Knight--Sir or Dame)
75 Your living quarters become infested with vermin.
76 A small bug befriends you. You choose what kind.
77 A small, useless, dumb furry animal (no stats) befriends you. Pick what kind.
78 Somebody gives you a horse. It had a badass name of your choice and maximum stats for a warhorse.
79-81 Recruiting push: You may join the military as an enlisted soldier.
82 You may join the military and get up to the rank of NCO before the next adventure starts
83 You may join the military and become a commisioned officer before the next adventure starts
84 Your place burned down. roll d100: under 50, you saved your stuff, 50-95 you saved a random half of it.
85 You learned to speak a new language (but not read it) pick!
86 You learned to read a new language (but not speak it) pick!
87 Someone asks to be your servant for 4 gp a week. They're pretty cool, it seems like.
88 You meet the person of your dreams. There is a 40% chance that
he/she feels the same about you, and a 25% chance that he/she already
is married.
89 You have a dream. Roll 1D8: on a result of 1, a deity tells you of a
quest that you must undertake. There is a 40% chance that this dream
comes from a god. If it does, and if you ignore it, there is a 60%
chance that the displeased god kills you. On a 2, you see your own
death, which so distracts you that for the next four weeks you treated
any successful befriendings as offendings, instead. On a 3-5, you have a
prophetic vision which so catches you up in worrying and telling
people about it that there is a 20% chance you lose your job if you
have one. On a 6, the dream was so involved that you slept the entire
day, with a 30% chance you lost your job if you have one. (This one is
awesome and verbatim from the book)
90 You are asked to write a book detailing your adventures for publication. A handsome advance is offered: d20x 100 gp.
91 You discover an amazing new recipe for mince pie.
92 You are complemented on your shoes. It goes to your head. -2 to
charisma checks because you just keep talking about them but +2 to hit
and +3 to damage against anyone who insults them.
93 The town watch or other police agency enters your living quarters.
Roll 1D10: on a result of 1-3, they are looking for a fugitive; on 4-7,
they are searching for contraband or stolen items; on 8, they are
conducting a census; on 9-10, they are thieves casing your house
94 Your place is condemned. You have 2d6 days to find a new one. If,
like so many adventurers, you lack a permanent residence, then you have
accidentally dyed your hair a color to be decided by the player to
your left and don't have time to dye it back.
95 You have a major argument with a spouse, lover, or random intimate
you just met. Roll charisma. Failure indicates a woman scorned. Or a
man. Or whatever.
96 Death in the family. Pick a family member to die. If they're an NPC
already active in the game, the DM can choose to overrule you, and pick
someone else.
97 As 96. Plus you are expected to be at the funeral.
98 You have been impressed into the military. You can join, become a fugitive, or buy them off for 1d6x100 gp.
99 Called into court as a witness, you have a 30% chance of being
offered a bribe of 1D6 x50 gold pieces to speak in favor of a guilty
defendant. Roll a random NPC,to learn who is on trial. If you testify
against him/her, there is a 25% chance s/he is offended. If you help
him, there is a 35% chance that you will befriend him. GAMEMASTER NOTE:
if the player-character lies to free the defendant, there is a chance
that others might take special interest in the player-character.
00 You have an accident. Roll 1D10: on a result of 1-2, you received
bruises that will last 1D4 weeks; on 3-4, you were seriously burned and
should treat the incident as an illness for 1D6 weeks (see 8-12 above)
and you lose 10% of your charisma, appearance, physical beauty, etc.;
on 5-6, you suffered a major cut or a lost a tooth, etc., reducing your
charisma, appearance, physical beauty by 20%; on 7, you broke a bone
requiring 1D6 weeks recovery; on 8-10, in addition to bruises and burns
as above you must pay 1D20 x10 gold pieces for damages or be accused of
a crime.
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